Full of facts, dreams and in between.

Written by
CHARLES BEX



One day in the middle of the night, I awoke in a sweat. I could not figure out why. My mind was racing everywhere. I began to look out the window, and to my amazement, it was light out. I mean a full day of light. After about what seemed one minute, it became dark. This moment in my life, I found myself helpless. During this time of isolation in my mind, I walked around the room, to find that it was 2 a.m. yes morning early and I had to go to school. During the day of school, I was amazed to see how so many laughed, one was crying, and some just did not seem to know where they were. Did they experience the same thing I did, I asked myself.

The short version of this story will try to attempt to allow you a very slight glimpse into a life that was happy, sad, confused, or at times lost. Life as a little boy was good, make no judgments. Did I see my life as a prison at times? Mentally I felt trapped emotionally I held it in most of the time. Feeling locked up in this manner was very draining. Things became apparent that I knew that not all had the good life nor did all have the bad life. I made a decision to try, and do my best. During this time, I had many paths in my life take me to places that were amazing and places that I wish I never had went or seen. Holding these thoughts of good cheer and hopeless thoughts in my mind forced me to become strong. We all need to look at ourselves and figure out how we became the way we are today. Was I on a course of determination to be happy or sad?

One day I decided to make a move that hurt some yet made me feel free. I never intended to hurt anyone, nor did I want to be alone. I embarked on a journey that so few embark upon on there own. Many are forced, to make a choice. The choice I made has made for whom I am today. I have loved, lost, cared, given, and accepted many things others will not or have. One thing remains. Why was the light that day in that early morning so bright? During my adventures through seeing, others live or not care to live. I packed these things in a room in my head that most not dare to open. Even I would not open it at times. I embarked upon my work with full speed ahead. I tried to live my life the way some thought I should or some preached I should. Did not follow too much of both. Everyday for along time the thought of the light so early in the morning came up. One day I just sat in my vehicle and pulled off the road after just driving, what seemed forever actually was 2 hours all around the countryside. I asked something of God to this day still I ask. Please accept me, please explain to me, please respect me, please protect those I care for, please keep the one you really have for me safe and full of strength. Please give me a sign of where am I to be.




Time went on. I worked, eat, cried, and laughed with so many people in my life. I spent most of the time listening and become verbal of thoughts and feelings. Many accepted me for who I was, yet when it came down to really being there for me even emotionally they were not there. I became very negative of others actions. I became accustomed to this way of life that I knew was not me. Yet in return, I respected others, and gave more than most and sometimes more than needed. I never judged a person by there way of life or spoke of it. To know another for who they are personably is hard. You may find they are amongst many like yourself. It became apparent the light I saw was a sign above. A storm that did brew inside of me. A storm of many emotions with desires. I was a fighter of many things. The tone that came out of my mouth at times showed my denial of the light. Pay no attention to the things I tested or assumed. What matters is the strength I was given to keep myself from going to the depth that so many go to too relax there soul of pain.

I began to ask questions of so many things from so many people. It exhausted some and influenced some. To find my answer of this light, why have I been put on this path? To this day it still runs around me why the light. The biggest clue is when a person came into my life one day and left few months later. The things that had been spoken, done, felt, cried about, laughed about and prayed about; came to my attention. I was guided here to be on this path to help another, not just myself. I have helped so many before from accidents’ to just letting them have or borrow 5 dollars. Why where these signs not apparent? I found after many years searching for an answer that the answer found me. I gave more than any I knew from what I was told to me I was told was true. Therefore, I embark on a new journey. Dealing with health issues, mind ramblings, life’s roads has showed me that no matter what you do, you must do it with full force. These are harsh to some yet some it is the way. Meaning you can move forward and help another if your heart is true.

When someone assumes the worst, it will hurt you. If you allow another into your life be sure that you are prepared to do the mile. If you go the mile and they do not see it, keep your faith, for one day you will see the light.

TO BE CONTINUED